Healing Hand Hope Through Child Loss and Grief
 

 

How long will grief last?

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This is probably the most common question that I am aked.. Because everyone is a unique and different, there is no single answer to this question. In most cases, the pain associated with grief begins to subside considerably in the second and third years following loss. This means that there are more good days than bad ones; that the heavy, deep seeded pain and feelings in earlier months begin to break up with more hopeful, feelings replacing them. Many believe that most grief adjustments take between two and four years. Of course, some adjustments are shorter and some are longer, depending on each individual and the nature of the relationship within the loss. When we begin to understand our grief, we begin to move forward and shift ourselves into transcending through it.

 

 

Is it normal to feel like I'm going crazy?

 

Yes! It is indeed normal. The inabiltiy to remember things, focus and concentrate are all part of the process. Time lapse is another thing that makes us feel out of sorts. It feels as though we are on autopilot, or in a time transport machine. Time seems to drag on and yet again it flys by. It is an accurate description to say that you feel like you are going crazy. Greif is a crazy time in ones life.

 

 

 

 

How do I Heal?

 

Good question. How does one heal? Nobody can fix greif. However, it can be met with understanding. Through understanding your grief, and processing it in a natural way brings us closer to a point of recovery. But, one thing is for certain ... In order to get through it, we have to go through it. Grief is hard work. Its important to stay productive with it. No repressing or hiding grief. It will only manifest, and this becomes quite difficult. Its not going away on its own. It has to be worked through. It is only within time, and through Grace, Acceptance and Unconditional Love that we come to the point of healing. What is healing? Healing is a place where the intense pain and burden of grief has lessened, and webegin to  regain our functioning again. We are able to do these things and have no guilt in gaining our quality of life back. It does not mean that we have forgotten our loss, or left our child behind. It simply means that we are able to live the life that we are now given. We are forever changed, and we have a new perspective on life. We will always face challenges, and there will always be tears. We take our child with us into our new life. We love them in ever aspect, and actually learn to love them in new ways as well. Grief is a deep wound. It scabs over in time. We remember the wounds, as it has left scars .. but we shed the burden of deep seeded pain. We have transcended through our loss.

 

 

 

Why are all the people in my life acting as though nothing has happened?

 

Another common question. After we experience a tragic loss, everyone is there for us. They bring us cards, meals. they call to see if we need anything or if they can help. They come to the services, funeral and memorials. And, then in time it all stops. Everyone begins to fade into the background. Their lives continue on. Why are we still in so much pain, when everyone else is moving forward, and their lives are back to normal? This takes place also within the family realms. Which becomes even harder to understand. I became very challenged with this during my own grief with learning to understand this. I realized one day that "I am a mother." I've suffered the greatest loss on earth. A loss of attachement, motherly instincts and the need to nurture. Within our loss, these are qualities that only a mother can posess. I then began to realize that this alone is what seperates my grief and feelings from all the rest. It was impossible for others to know these feelings. Its not enough sometimes to just hear " Nobody greives like a bereaved mother." Its when we come to realize the reason's that we can begin to feel a place of peace. Its much easier to realize that other's have their own pain and grief too .. Its just not your pain and grief.

 

 

 

Why Do I cry So Much?

 

Pain and love. Our tears are borne out of pain, love and dis-attachement. What was once a very treasured presence in our lives. is no longer with us in physical form. The longing for our chld is a deep mournful and sacred feeling. It leaves us with the deepest sadness. Our tears are natures way of healing. All of these emoitions are expressed through our tears. They are necessary, normal and very cathartic. Tears actually release toxins that are built up in our systems. Its natures way of cleansing and washing. Out with the bad. We are then left either relaxed and soothed, or energized.

 

I once had someone ask me why they hadn't or couldn't cry. Delayed grief is also something that some experience. It is normal, and shock can play a role in this. Its when the shock and the timing work together that tears become present. I have also had greiving mother's tell me that when it hits them, it totally engulfs them in a huge way. Our tears serve a huge purpose. Its okay to cry. Never let anyone discourage you, or make you think different. Its healty and expressive.