Healing Hand Hope Through Child Loss and Grief
 

                                      The Death of a Child

                                     The Grief of the Parents:

                                         A Lifetime Journey

                                                                        The morning glory blooms but for an hour;

                                                                                  and yet it differs not at heart,

                                                                                        from the giant pine;

                                                                                 that lives for a thousand years.

 

 

   There is no more devastating loss than the death of a child. Sudden death is a contradiction to everything that is known to be true in life. Losing a child to sudden death is a disruption in

the natural law and order of life. It is a heartbreak like no other. Parental grief is different from

other losses—it is intensified, exaggerated and lengthened.

 

    “Children are not supposed to die...Parents expect to see their children grow and mature.

Ultimately, parents expect to die and leave their children behind...This is the natural course of life events, the life cycle continuing as it should. The loss of a child is the loss of innocence, the death of the most vulnerable and dependent. The death of a child signifies the loss of the future, and dreams, of new strength, and of perfection” (Arnold and Gemma 1994, iv,9,39).

 

    Grieving parents say that their grief is a lifelong process, a long and painful process... “a process in which [they] try to take and keep some meaning from the loss and life without the [child]” (Arnold and Gemma 1983, 57). After a child’s death, parents embark on a long, sad journey that can be very frightening and extremely lonely—a journey that never really ends. The hope and desire that healing will come eventually is an intense and persistent one for grieving parents.

 

   The child who died is considered a gift to the parents and family, and they are forced to give up that gift. Yet, as parents, they also strive to let their child’s life, no matter how short, be seen as a gift to others. These parents seek to find ways to continue to love, honor, and value the lives of their children, and to make the child’s presence known and felt in the lives of family and friends. Bereaved parents often try to live their lives more fully and generously because of this painful experience.