Healing Hand Hope Through Child Loss and Grief
 

      Grief within Definition means : deep sorrow, esp. that caused by someone's death."she was overcome with grief"synonyms:sorrow, misery, sadness, anguish, pain, distress, heartache, heartbreak, agony, torment, affliction, suffering, woe, desolation, dejection, despair; Moremourning, mournfulness, bereavement, lamentation; literarydolor, dole "he was overcome with grief"antonyms:joyinformal.

 

     The definiton and meaning of grief, goes deeper than the description of emotional words. Grief is a passage within time, that nobody wants to stay in. Its an extension of love and the deepest pain for the ones that we have lost through death. Grief is a very natural thing, and as old as time itself. It also serves a huge purpose. When our loved ones die, we are left here feeling a huge empty void. The only way to begin to eleviate this void, is through grief. We have to greive. We have to go through this seeminly endless, and devastating pain that has engulfed us and shattered our world.
 

     Grief has many faces. I remember after Kyle died, everytime I looked in the mirror, I seen a different face. Each face had its own emotion. We grieve in cycles. In no certain order, and we go in and out; up and down within these cycles. Its common to go from one cycle to another and then find yourself back in the same place on occassion. Its normal to feel as though you are going crazy, or living in a bad nightmare. Some of the cycles, feelings and emotions associated with Grief are as follows:

 

      Shock - When we are faced with trauma and death ... Shock is usually the first response. Unable to absorb the full impact of the death that has just occurred, the mind and body respond with numbness; life becomes a foggy haze. Edges are blurred, feelings dulled as we are faced with the reality of our loss. Shock actually protects us. It seems to be what gets us through, until the reality begins to set in. Shock also seems to affect us like a time travel. We find ourselves in one point of time, and then without recollection .. we are somehow in a different point in time. Whether it only be hours, or days .. sometimes even weeks. But, it is our numbing, our protective coating to take us into the reality of our.

 

     Anger - Anger is a normal reaction after facing such a tragic loss. We find ourselves angry with God, and questioning our Faith. Some become angry with thier beloved for leaving. Anger can come in many forms of expression. A bereaved parent is very sensitive. So, the need for support is essential. 

 

    Denial - A normal reaction to the loss of a child.  When our child dies .. we are left in a state of shock and disbelief. This could not have happened. How could this of happened to me? The feeling of havng your child in your living life, and then it seems that they have disappeared into thin air, leaves you with these feelings of disbelief. Denial and disbelief eventually dimish, as time moves forward into the reality of loss. 

 

     Bargaining - Marked by persistent thoughts about what "could have been done" to keep my child from dying? Some people become obsessed with thinking about the ways, and what they could have done differently to save their childs life or prevent the loss. If this is not dealt with and resolved, the person may live with intense feelings of guilt or anger; that can hinder the healing process.

 

    Guilt - You may regret or feel guilty about things you did or didn’t say or do. You may also feel guilty about certain feelings that you had before or after the loss. After a death, you may even feel guilty for not doing something to prevent the death, even if there was nothing more you could have done. I often call this the "Ifs, Shoulda, Coulda .. Woulda's." Guilt is an overwhelming emotion. It will eat you alive and spit you out. I refer to "Guilt" as "Deaths Best Friend." Unless Guilt is reasoned with and worked through, it can hold back recovery process. 

 

    Fear - Loss can trigger a host of worries and fears. You may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure. You may even have panic attacks. The death of a loved one can trigger fears about your own mortality, of facing life without that person, or the responsibilities you now face alone.

 

    More symptoms of gief include, but are not limited to : Lonliness, Depression, PTSD, Anxiety, Isolation, Despair, Lost, Feeling alone, Sadness, Frustration, detatchment and many other emotions. The bereaved not only suffer the emotional effects from grief, they also can suffer from physical effects as well. Loss of appetite, weight gain, weight loss, Inability to sleep, Aches, pains, heaviness, weakness, headaches, fatigue, stomach issues and a host of other Stress Related Issues. Severe Instances can cause suicidal thoughts and actions. IN the event that these feelings should arise, seek professional attention immediately. 

 

Acceptance and Healing - From the moment the we experience our tragic loss, we immediately begin a healing process. Because Grief is in fact .. the beginning of our healing. Every emotion and feeling experienced is part of it. While some scientists have concluded that emotionless grief ( ugly grief )  is healthy .. it has the potential to manifest emotions, which in turn can be self destructive. When we can step into Acceptance of our loss .. healing can begin to progress. Healing in its own is just as individual and unique to each person, just as the devastating emotions of grief are. And, healing also has no time limits. I personally see healing as a new lifestyle change, with that  I mean that we continue to heal within for the rest of our lives.